The Truth Hit Me
The truth hit me! Hard in the stomach. It happened last week. As the proverb says: "Knowledge is only a rumor until it lives in your bones." Things I have been saying for years. Over and over again. They have been coming out of my mouth, but have def. not lived in my bones. Now they do. And there is a sort of peace and calm inside. Just the knowing. Peeling off layers that have been added over years and years. Layers of comfort and numbing and protection against projected pain. It is the big stuff. How do I show up. How do I deal with hurt. And how do I stop numbing. What is it really I want. Dreaming. I never have been dreaming. About the future. Ever. I have been living in the now. Which, by some contemporary literature, is the way to do it. But we need to dream. To know what it is we want. Ahead. Not being stuck by our view of the outcome but sniffing that delicious stuff ahead. Taking that trail that has that delicious smell. Not standing by the fork and just going anywhere. Be intentional. It is all here now. The truth. Cannot cover it up anymore. Cannot leave what has been felt not felt. Cannot leave what has been seen unseen. Now there is only one way forward. Living in truth. Not in yours, the world's or anybody else's but in my own. It might take some time for me to start living it. Fully. Changing what is going on inside so that it also reflects on the outside. But it is here to stay. I can feel it deeply in my bones. To me, it feels earth shattering. However I do not think you can see it on the outside. Yet. I think you will. Slowly but surely. Until then, I will cheer myself on to be brave enough to really start living my truth. If you have an extra cheer for me, I will take it.
Lots of love,